A Teacher's Ruminations

It's 4:33 am. I've been up for about one hour; I can't sleep. Yesterday I couldn't sleep either. So, instead of lying in bed trying to count sheep I decided to do some work. We have three teacher days to get ready before the children arrive. Are there other professionals that have three days to set up their workspace, on their own, so that on the fourth day they are prepared to greet their clients?? Do any of them have to do this year after year? No need to answer. Yesterday was my first day back at school. We spent the morning in a staff meeting, and for half the afternoon my grade level group sorted the classroom materials we ordered at the end of June. I couldn't remember why we ordered some of the materials that were on our list and right now I can't think of a single use for anything in my room. I'm drawing a blank and the kids arrive in two days. Every year I get numb during the first few days back in the building and then I'm off and run...

In less than two weeks I'll be starting another school year in a new well-lit classroom with a new group of students. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm ready. I'm ready to focus on my students and maintain that focus throughout the year. I am ready to stay calm and not just during the easy times. I have always marvelled at how during summer vacation I am less agitated and more relaxed. Housekeeping chores seem to get done with relative ease and I read a ton of books. I try to sustain that feeling by remembering the sights and sounds of summer. I'm always confident that I can do it just by "remembering". I'm able to "remember" for a short while and then by the end of the first month of school, it's gone. It's a gradual leaving and before I know it I've developed amnesia all over again. Of course, I know that the carefree attitudes and practices of summer are difficult to sustain during the school year. Yet, I am always ...

My second child is going off to college this month. When my oldest left, four years ago, I couldn't drop her off because I was starting a new job. This time around I am going but I can't help her move in because I start to work three days earlier this year. Just the time I would need to help her settle in. I will have to fly back to Calgary from Boston with my son; my husband will stay behind until she is settled in. I'm hoping I don't cry all the way home. My son is going to be sad, too. He doesn't need a blubbering mom to worry about. I thought this time around it would be easier to let my child go. I thought that having gone through this rite of passage once before would make things easier. But, I was wrong. Every time I think of some plan we have for the fall I immediately think of my second born and as quickly remember that she won't be around. I get so sad that I have to work hard to pull myself back to the present. It's not helping that th...