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bedtime rumination

at the end of the school day
I pack my school and computer bags
stuff books and papers in both bags 
and make a mental list of all the things I'm going to accomplish tonight

I get home at 5:00 pm
and head for my bedroom and a hot shower
the water is not hot, but it will do

my husband and son go for a walk
meanwhile I grab my computer, 
determined to clear the tabs from my browser

30 minutes later, I've bookmarked a few,
and left others to review tomorrow

I still haven't gotten through my to do list from two days ago
I carry the weight of all the things I haven't done

I want to empty my bag at school
only a notebook left there at the end of the day 
to plan, reflect or for reading

I am forever fighting this feeling of coming from behind
never catching up
always more to do

I struggle with being kind to myself

so, it's time to pick up a book 
read myself to sleep

tomorrow 
an empty school bag
only a notebook
I will lift the weight off my mind

good night.

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